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Elias Pettersson has the most points among Swedish-born NHLers in their first 4 games : hockey

Aw yeah buddy we need way more Elias “Basically McJesus but better” Pettersson up in this thread, all that animal does is butters perfect passes, pops bottles pops pussies so keep your finger on that lamp light limpdick cause the forecast is goals.

Fuck your cookie jar and your water bottles, you better get quality rubbermaids bud cause she’s gonna spend a lot of time hitting the fucking ice if Elias has anything to say about it. Blistering Wristers or fat clappers, this fuckin guy can’t be stopped.

If I had a choice of one attack to use to kill Hitler I would choose a Pettersson snipe from the top of the circle because you fucking know his evil dome would be bouncing off the end boards after that puck is loosed like lightning from the blade of God’s own CCM. I’d just pick up the phone and call Elias Pettersson at 1-800-TOP-TITS where he can be found earning his living at the back of the goddamn net. The world record for a recorded sniper kill is 3,540m, but that’s only because nobody has asked ya boi Pettersson to rip any wristers at ISIS yet.

If i had three wishes, the first would be to live forever, the second would be for Elias Pettersson to live forever, and the third would be for Elias to plant one right on my cheek.


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